End of the Innocence Read online

  “What about Jennifer?”

  “We have time,” he assured me as he flashed me his Tom Cruise, Everything is Peachy Keen smile.

  As soon as we pulled on to East Avenue, my nervousness faded, and my brain began to work again. I looked over to him. “You are such a dork.”

  He gave me a double take. “What did I do now?”

  “You actually knocked on the door and then ran back to lean on your car just so you could look all pimp, didn’t you?” It was one of the few times I had ever seen him blush. “Oh my God, you did!” I burst out laughing.

  “I was trying to set the scene,” he said, attempting some dignity and failing pretty spectacularly.

  “I am dating a Grade A cheese ball!” I shouted out the window as we turned onto First Avenue.

  “But seriously…,” he said, clearing his throat. “I did look cool, didn’t I?”

  I almost started crying, I was laughing so hard.

  Then Brad parked in front of Nancy’s, and I felt my stomach tighten. Before I could start thinking, he covered my hand with his and squeezed. “Trust me?”

  I nodded.

  He got out of the car and ran around to my side to open my door. “Then come with me,” he said, holding his hand out to me.

  If one of you haters out there says one thing about me being a princess, I swear I will hunt you down and punch you in the face. I am not joking.

  I took his hand, and he led me up the steps to the diner’s front door. There were no lights on, so I started to say something about it being closed. But he had asked me to trust him, so trust he got. He opened the door. The sound of the small bell over the doorway was a thousand times louder than normal with no one inside.

  When we got inside, I could see a pale, flickering light coming from the far front corner. A mysterious smile on his face, Brad nodded in that direction and tugged me along. Gayle stood waiting for us, two menus held textbook style across her chest. A white tablecloth covered the table, and the lone candle in the middle cast a warm light that glimmered off the plates and the silverware set for two. “Your table is ready, gentlemen,” she said, winking at me. I literally had no words and couldn’t think enough to object when Brad helped me slip into the seat before he slid into the booth opposite me. His eyes sparkled mischievously as he watched me fumbling for words. Evidently, that was the right reaction if his grin was any indication. Gayle put the menus down in front of us. “If you’re willing, may I suggest the chef’s specialties tonight? Yes? Excellent. The first course will only be a moment.” As she walked away, another waiter appeared and put two glasses of soda in front of us.

  “How did you…?” I began to ask, but he held up one finger, asking me to wait.

  I heard the metallic clink of coins being dropped into a machine across the room. Gayle leaned a bit over the restored 1950s jukebox, pushing buttons. The music of Lifehouse began to play softly in the background.

  He put down his finger. “You wanted a date,” he said, smiling. “You get a date.” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand.

  “You never cease to amaze me,” I managed lamely, completely astounded by the green-eyed boy who had taken my heart.

  “If I ever do, let me know,” he asked, tracing his fingers over the top of my hand. “I’ll step up my game.”

  I shook my head. “Your game is pretty good right now, trust me.”

  He gave me his Ferris Bueller know-it-all grin. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  Gayle reappeared carrying a plate of chili cheese fries that looked and smelled so perfect that I knew they had been handmade. She set the plate on the table and smiled at both of us. “Frites à mozzarella fromage et chili,” she announced; after bowing slightly, she backed away from the table.

  “I love these fries!” I said, grabbing one, watching gleefully when the cheese stretched off the plate. He laughed as I cut the cheese with a bite and popped the fry into my mouth. “Oh my God!” I said as I chewed. “You have to try these!”

  We devoured the entire plate before the song had even finished.

  “This is the best….” I struggled to find words. “…I mean, you are….” I just shook my head and settled for, “Just wow.”

  The music changed to Edwin McCain.

  Brad slid out of the booth. “Come on,” he said, holding his hand out. “Dance with me.”

  I mean it, guys: one princess joke and you’re dead.

  We slow danced in the middle of the diner as he sang that he would be the biggest fan of my life in my ear. I had never felt so happy in my entire life. In fact, if you were to take all the happy moments of my life and add them up, they wouldn’t even equal the fries, much less this dance. He assured me he would be my crying shoulder, and I leaned into him as we swayed. His voice was deep and imperfect, but it expressed each emotion so perfectly that I knew I would never hear this song again without hearing his voice singing along with it.

  I was eighteen years old, and I finally knew what the word “love” meant.

  When the song ended, we sat down again and were surprised to find two perfect bacon cheeseburgers waiting for us. “You seriously thought of everything, didn’t you?”

  He shrugged as he took a bite, but I could see the laughter in his eyes.

  We finished the burgers in silence; both of us knew we couldn’t carry on a conversation with one of Gayle’s burgers sitting in all its tempting glory right in front of us. Like magic, as soon as we were finished, the second waiter materialized from the shadows to take our plates away. Once he had retreated, Gayle arrived, with the same Cheshire Cat grin on her face. “Are the gentlemen ready for dessert?”

  “Oh God!” I puffed, wiping my mouth. “I am stuffed.”

  Brad nodded. “Yeah, we’re ready.”

  “I seriously don’t think I can eat anything else,” I said, trying and failing to stop her.

  “You’ll want this,” he assured me with his Adam Levine grin that meant he had something else planned.

  “This is really enough, you know.” I tried to reason with him, but it was no use. He had set this whole thing up, and we weren’t leaving until Vanna turned all the letters around. “So, any clues?” He just looked at me with that same smile. I sat back and waited.

  I didn’t have to wait long, because Gayle came out holding a small chocolate cupcake with some whipped cream on top of it. Instead of a cherry, though, on top sat Brad’s class ring, polished and sparkling like new.

  And I was speechless for the second time in an hour.

  He removed the ring from its cakey throne and licked the whipped cream off. “So now you’ve had a real date,” he said, getting up out of the booth. A light tug on my hand was all Brad needed to propel me to my feet and face him. “We had our first dance,” he added, getting down on one knee. “And now I am going to ask you to be my boyfriend.” He took my hand. “That is, if you want to be.” And there was that smile again. “Kyle Stilleno, will you be my boyfriend?”

  I felt my eyes start to sting as they teared up.

  I just nodded since I was incapable of actually making any sounds resembling speech. He slipped the ring on my finger and pulled me into a hug. “I love you,” he whispered in my ear, and I had never believed it so much as I did right then and there.

  Gayle and the waitstaff were clapping and offering congratulations, but I honestly couldn’t hear them over the sound of Brad’s voice in my ear telling me again and again that he loved me.

  It was the first perfect moment I could ever recall having.

  BRAD

  THE person I was before I met Kyle would have tried to convince you that setting up our first date was more for him than for me. He would have assured you that it was a means to an end that led to me having sex with him. The guy I was before would have told you a lot of things, most of them flat-out lies.

  The person I am now can tell you, watching him sneaking glances at that ring on his finger as we drove over to pick up Jennifer, made me so happy
I could burst. Kyle’s such a good guy—no! a great guy—and up to this point he had never had one break in life. He had never had someone trip over themselves to go out with him or go through all the trouble of having someone cook all his favorite foods. He should have had that, but he hadn’t until tonight.

  He had been worse than ugly; he had been invisible, one of the countless unknown people no one noticed as they wandered through high school on their own unnoticed missions in life.

  As I held his other hand, I was so fucking glad I noticed.

  “So it’s official, right?” I asked as we turned onto Jennifer’s street. “You’re my guy now?”

  His smile could have warded off vampires, it was so bright. “Only if you’re mine.”

  I laughed and glanced out at the street to check for traffic before I turned my attention back to him. “You know I am not just your boyfriend, right?” He was puzzled and looked like he had no idea what I meant. “I am 100 percent your love slave. I am now and will always be your bitch.” His mouth dropped half-open at my words. “I just want you to be sure where we stand. I am so in love with you that I would do anything you asked. Anything.”

  I knew I had shared too much when he withdrew all the way to his side window for a moment. Next would be some self-deprecating statement he was going to treat like a joke but would actually be a pretty good sign of how he was really feeling.

  “You’re just saying that ’cause of the blazer,” he tossed out.

  I parked in front of Jennifer’s house and turned the car off. I leaned over until I could look him directly in the eyes and said, my voice raspy with emotion, “You do know you didn’t have to change a thing about the way you looked, right?” He blinked quickly but said nothing, which told me that was exactly what he had been thinking. “I am not going to lie and say you don’t look incredible in those clothes, but I was crazy about you before. I don’t want you thinking I want you to look or dress a certain way, because I don’t. I am turned on by Kyle, any kind of Kyle I can get. Dressed up, shaggy haired, blanket wearing, all Kyles are welcome.” I could see the relief in his eyes even though he would deny it if I asked him. “All you have to do is walk in the room, and I’m turned on, no matter how you’re dressed.”

  “What did I do to deserve you?” he murmured, nearly breathless from keeping his feelings inside.

  I wrapped my right arm around his shoulder, and he slid toward me. I kissed him and explained, “You charged in and saved me from the monster.”

  “What monster?” he asked bewildered.

  “Myself,” I answered. My phone rang just then and startled us both. I looked down and there was a text waiting.

  Jennifer: Are you two making out in front of my house or am I being stalked by another two gay guys?

  I showed Kyle the text, and we both started laughing our asses off.

  Two minutes later Jennifer plunked down in the backseat. “You guys just going to sit out here all night or what?”

  I jerked a thumb toward Kyle. “Blame him, he was getting all weepy.”

  Kyle shot me a glance. “Say what?”

  I turned the car on quickly before he could say anything else. “We all ready?”

  She nodded in the backseat, but Kyle was still giving me a look. “I was weepy? What happened to love slave?”

  “And we’re gone,” I said, shifting into drive.

  Jennifer was rummaging in her purse. “I am not even going to ask what that meant…,” she said, moving stuff around, “but I did bring reinforcements.” She pulled a small bottle of schnapps out of her purse and held it up.

  Kyle’s eyes almost fell out of his head. “You’re drinking?” He was looking at Jennifer, but from the way he glanced over at me, I knew he was asking me.

  And right then it occurred to me I hadn’t honestly thought things through very well.

  “Are you drinking tonight?” Kyle asked again, this time looking at me.

  See, I hadn’t deduced everything about Kyle’s past, but figuring out his mom was a mean drunk had been pretty easy. I don’t mean to say Linda Stilleno is Foster’s town drunk, but in a postage stamp of a town like Foster, once someone earned a reputation, that person became gossip fodder. And Kyle’s mom had a reputation. I didn’t know squat about children of alcoholics, but that was no excuse. I should have thought things through better.

  Jennifer and I always frontloaded before a party.

  Frontloading is getting drunk before you go out in case wherever you end up doesn’t have the right kind of drink or even might not have any alcohol at all. Dealing with the Drama Olympics that come with a party like the one we were about to go to had always been easier if I walked in already lit. Frontloading’s like Novocaine before a root canal. It just numbs the parts that are going to cause you excruciating pain later on.

  I should have known Kyle would be worried about people drinking, especially me.

  “No,” I said after a second. “No, I’m not drinking tonight.” I looked in the rearview mirror at Jennifer. “And I wish you wouldn’t either.”

  She paused with the bottle to her lips. “Why?”

  Good question.

  “Because when things go south tonight, I’d like someone who these guys respect by my side to talk some sense into them.” I saw her eyes looking back at mine in the mirror. “And when that happens, I really need you sober.”

  “Why do you automatically think there is going to be drama?” she asked, still not drinking.

  “Because I know these people as well as you do, and I know Tony is going to say something and Kelly might decide to be a dick tonight, and this is Foster, Texas. Do I have to say more?”

  She sighed and put the bottle in her purse. “First, we invite the Island of Misfit Toys to the party, and now I’m going to be sober. Never let it be said, Kyle, that you haven’t made a difference around here.”

  He didn’t say anything, but I saw Kyle smile and relax into his seat. Only then did I understand what he’d been going through, silently, while I made my decision and talked Jennifer into hers.

  When we got to Kelly’s house, there were a few cars already parked outside, which meant we weren’t the first people to arrive. That was a good thing, because it also meant there would be people inside bored silly just waiting for other people to show up. Jennifer must have thought the same thing because she leaned up from the backseat and said, “I bet the people sitting in there now are so bored they wouldn’t care if we showed up with the Rose Bowl Parade.”

  I parked the car some distance away from the house. “I have a feeling they would prefer the Rose Bowl to who we brought.” My words sounded sour in my own ears, and I realized I was reverting to old habits. Sarcasm, apathy, self-deprecating talk….

  That wasn’t who I was anymore.

  “No—we’re going to make this fun,” I corrected myself before taking a deep breath. “It will most likely be just this side of a three-ring circus, but we are going to have fun no matter what. Right, guys?” I turned to the two of them. They stared back at me, owl-eyed, like I had started speaking in Farsi or another language. “Right, well let’s try to have fun at the very least, okay?” I said in a much lower tone of voice.

  Kyle opened his mouth to say something when the sound of someone knocking on his window from outside interrupted him. When I say interrupted him, I really mean scared the living shit out of us.

  “What the fuck?” Kyle yelled, trying to jerk away from the window. The seat belt stopped him and threw him back into his seat. He started fighting with his buckle, but I put a hand over his to calm him.

  “I think that’s Andy,” I said, nodding toward the window.

  Kyle rolled his window down and sure enough Andy, leader of the library nerds, stood there with Jeff and Mike behind him. “We didn’t know what the definition of too early was,” Andy said apologetically. “We were hoping you hadn’t shown up yet and already gone inside.”

  “We’re here,” I said, getting out of the car. �
�Might as well walk up with us.”

  “Kyle!” Sammy’s voice called from down the street. “Is that you?” Kyle waved back and Sammy and the rest of the drama crew came walking behind her.

  “You said something about Misfit Toys?” I asked Jennifer in a whisper.

  Sammy had a dramatic black dress on with slashes across it showing an electric blue lining underneath. Her friends were dressed like they had just walked out of the movie Underworld, with pale white makeup and leather coats for all. One half of my brain thought they looked completely badass; the other half thought this was just an inferno waiting for a lit match.

  “Someone didn’t think you were actually coming,” Sammy said, not looking at Jeremy. “So we were waiting until we saw you show up.”

  “Yeah, because knocking on the door to a party with like fifty people with you never made anyone nervous,” Jennifer said under her breath. I turned and glared at her, and she just shrugged. “Hey, you were the one who wanted me sober.”

  Fair point.

  “So we’re all here?” Kyle asked, looking at the collected group of people who had surrounded us. I wasn’t sure if he was counting or not, but he looked them over and then nodded to me. “I think we’re good.”

  He looked at me with those bright blue eyes with all the trust one person can have for another, and I just melted inside. “Okay, then,” I said, smiling at him. “Then let’s go to a party.”

  We walked across the street like we were reenacting a scene from Braveheart as done by the cast of Revenge of the Nerds. Part of my mind told me I should be worried or at the very least embarrassed by showing up with these people behind me, but as Kyle’s hand looped around mine, those thoughts went away.

  I was one of these people now, and there was nothing wrong with that.

  One deep breath later, I knocked on the door.

  The thumping of the bass could be heard from here; no one behind me said a word. I knocked again louder, and Kelly’s voice screaming “Coming!” came from the other side.

  The look of joy and excitement on Kelly’s face lasted all of six seconds from the moment he opened the door and then saw I wasn’t alone. “Brad?” he asked, his voice cracking in surprise. “What the hell?”