End of the Innocence Read online

  “What is this place?” I asked. The parking lot was full of cars and trucks. I could not imagine a place like this being a big attraction.

  He didn’t answer as he got out of the car, Kelly’s picture clutched in his fist.

  “Kyle, wait up!” I said, running after him. “We’re underage. We can’t go in there.”

  He stopped, looking toward me but not really seeing me. “We can go in there; trust me.” He put a hand on the door and looked back at me. Wherever his mind had been, it had returned, because he saw me clearly. “Come on.” He gave me a ghost of a smile, and he cocked his head toward the open door.

  I took a deep breath and walked in.

  The bar was full of guys who turned to stare at us. I froze. Most of them were dressed somberly, and they looked like we had interrupted something extremely serious. “Kyle?” one of them asked, and I realized it was Robbie.

  “Take his picture,” Kyle said, jerking a thumb at me. He walked over to the bar and told the bartender, “I need a tack.”

  The guy behind the bar, a bear of a man, considered the request for a moment and then handed him over a thumbtack. Kyle turned to face the other side of the room and began walking. The people parted like the Red Sea as Kyle made his way through the group. I heard a couple of people let out a strangled sob when Kyle reached that wall full of pictures.

  He put the picture of Kelly up and tacked it right in the center of all of those faces.

  Robbie sobbed quietly as he watched Kyle staring at the wall for a long time. No one talked as they waited for him to finish. He touched one fingertip to Kelly’s picture and hauled in a deep breath.

  Then Kyle turned around. His expression made his face look as if it had been carved out of stone. He looked around the bar and then at Robbie. “I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. I have six months before I leave this town and go to college.” He paused for a moment before he asked, “How do I fix Foster?”

  That was the moment Kyle began to change our world forever.

  Author’s note

  REAL life can suck.

  I really don’t have a follow up to that statement, just stating a fact. Real life, at times, can suck. The problem, as I see it, is that we can’t skip to the end of the book. I think life could be made better if in the middle of a crappy day where everything is going bad, I could just open a magical Kindle and skip past this part and see what happens next. I mean, sure, I got ragged on, and I looked like a homeless person, and I am pretty sure when I was talking to that one guy I had something in my teeth, and my cat is giving me attitude, and of course the cable went out the night the show I wanted to watch was on….

  But what happens next?

  With a wave of my finger, I could scroll into the future and see that the people who ragged on me were actually just having a bad day themselves and apologized by buying me a smoothie, and that the boy I was talking to with something in my teeth liked the fact I looked like I made no effort to dress up and asked for my number, and the show I wanted to watch was a rerun anyway, and my cat… well, my cat always has an attitude, so that is never going to change.

  If I could just see what comes next, I might be able to get through what is right now.

  Of course, it doesn’t work that way. Even though we might be able to skim through our own story just to cheer ourselves up, we would not resist the urge to test the limits, and we would end up abusing that power in, like, fourteen different ways. It’s human nature: give us an inch, we want a mile; give us a rope, and we think we’re a cowboy. Still, being able to skip ahead to see tomorrow would be very cool.

  I have found life is a lot like a rat running through a maze without having an idea whether or not there is cheese at the end.

  The walls are high, it’s almost impossible to turn around in, and no matter how far I go, everything looks like everywhere else I’ve been. It can be daunting, it can be overwhelming, and as I previously stated, it can suck. At this point I’m not sure what kind of cheese is at the end of the maze, but I swear to you, it better be some real good cheese or someone is in trouble.

  The only time I find myself not worried about the maze, and the possible lack of cheese, is while I read. There’s nowhere I can get lost in like a book, not even a good book, just a book will do it for me. Books are safe, they are comfortable, and above all else, they are not me. I like not being me for a little while. It’s refreshing.

  So if you have gone through this book and find yourself sad, or upset, or even a little betrayed, I understand.

  If you went in wanting a nice little vacation with Kyle and Brad, you might feel like this was not the trip you wanted to take. And while your feelings are completely valid, and I am in no way going to try to change your mind about that, I want to point out one small fact.

  For some kids out there, what is in this book is their real life.

  There are kids out there right now walking around thinking about killing themselves. You may never know it, they may never even let on about it, but they are seriously thinking about it.

  I know because I was one of those kids.

  I walked around for years thinking about killing myself because I was so utterly depressed about my life. I had a boyfriend who had a girlfriend. He didn’t want anyone to know we were together. I had friends who had no idea who I really was. My home life sucked, and there was no way out for me. I was miserable, and I spent every night crying and hoping for one of two things to happen.

  For things to get better or for me to gain the courage to kill myself.

  I tried and failed three times. Three times in my life I worked up the courage to go ahead and end my life. Each time I failed and was given a second and then a third chance.

  Looking back now, I think someone on high was on my side (for some of you that is God. I myself like to think that Thor was on my side. No, I am not Norse, nor do I pray to Thor, but the thought that someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth is watching out for me makes me happy. Very happy. So very happy that maybe you should stop laughing and give me a break, huh?). If you asked me even five years ago if there was a reason why someone like God (Thor) would spare my life, I would tell you no: I am just a guy.

  But… recently I have begun to think differently.

  You see, I wrote these books, and people like you read them, and some people have written me and told me how much they meant to them. They say things like it made them happy, it made them realize that they weren’t the only ones out there, and one reader even said it made him realize that though life might suck right now, there might be a Kyle or Brad out there waiting for him. Those are heady words, and I take each and every one of them to heart. I really do.

  So maybe there was a reason Thor didn’t let me die.

  Maybe I was always supposed to write these books, and maybe you were always supposed to read these books, and maybe, just maybe, it all makes sense in some cosmic way. Maybe I was supposed to write these words to save your life and in doing so you saved mine. Maybe. I don’t know. Chris Hemsworth works in mysterious ways.

  But I can tell you this with absolute certainty.

  I wish I had had that magical Kindle back then to skip to now and see what was going to happen. If Past Me could see Now Me and look at the difference these books have made….

  Anyway, just a thought.

  Now about the book. Everything that has happened in the Tales from Foster High series has happened to someone. Every event has been taken from real life and has happened to a real person. Bullying is very real and cyber bullying doubly so. Teen suicide happens all the time and not just to gay and lesbian teens. All of this happens all the time. That is a fact.

  What is also a fact is there are ways you can deal with it.

  There are organizations out there that can and will help you. There are people out there who want to help so bad it hurts. People who hate and hurt others may make the most noise and, therefore, get the most press. For every hateful person who is trying to push you d
own, there are three normal people who would gladly extend a hand to help you up in a second. And if you think killing yourself is the answer? I am sorry, friend. You are not just wrong, but you are stupid as well.

  Your story is as, if not more, important than the one you just read. You cannot let the people whose hearts are filled with hate beat you down. You just can’t. We are all people, and we are all deserving of respect. And you can’t let anyone take that away from you. Ever.

  I posted these in the last book, but I am going to repost them again in case you missed them.

  If you are a gay or lesbian student being bullied in high school, you can contact the It Gets Better Project at http://www.itgetsbetter.org. If you are just someone being bullied in high school, regardless of your sexuality, you can find help at http://stopbullying.gov.

  If you are a parent of a gay or lesbian teen and want information or resources on talking to them about it, please go to http://www.pflag.org.

  You are not alone, and it does get better. There is always another choice out there, and if you think you are alone, you are not. If you are feeling suicidal, please visit http:// www.suicide.org/gay-and-lesbian-suicide.html for help.

  I am not going to lie to you and say that all stories have a happy ending. I hated to hear that when I was a kid, and I hate it now. It’s not true. Some stories end horribly, so it is just an untrue statement. Instead I say this: happy endings are for people who make their own. If you sit around the house waiting for some lady to appear with a magic wand and make things all better, you have a long-ass wait ahead of you. People can and will hate you for any reason they can think of. I don’t know why they do it, but they do, and it sucks.

  What sucks worse, though, is when you let those people make you hate yourself. Don’t do that. Why would you hate yourself? I like you. I bet my friends would like you…. I am not so sure about my cat because he is a dick, but he would fake liking you if you had tuna.

  Life isn’t about what other people think of you. It’s about what you think of you. If you are going to let other people cloud the way you think about yourself, then you are going to be miserable for most of your life, and there is nothing I can do to help. But if you like yourself despite what people around you say and don’t give into the hatred and darkness that seems to be everywhere….

  Then let me be a magic Kindle for you, if only for a few seconds.

  You’re going to end up just fine.

  Don’t give up, not yet.

  John Goode

  Sitting by the second

  window at Nancy’s

  with my laptop open

  About the Author

  JOHN GOODE is a member of the class of ’88 from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, specializing in incantations and spoken spells. At the age of fourteen, he proudly represented District 13 in the 65th Panem games, where he was disqualified for crying uncontrollably before the competition began. After that he moved to Forks, Washington, where against all odds he dated the hot, incredibly approachable werewolf instead of the stuck-up jerk of a vampire, but was crushed when he found out the werewolf was actually gayer than he was. After that he turned down the mandatory operation everyone must receive at sixteen to become pretty, citing that everyone pretty was just too stupid to live, before moving away for greener pastures. After falling down an oddly large rabbit hole, he became huge when his love for cakes combined with his inability to resist the commands of sparsely worded notes, and was finally kicked out when he began playing solitaire with the Red Queen’s 4th armored division. By eighteen he had found the land in the back of his wardrobe, but decided that thinly veiled religious allegories were not the neighbors he desired. When last seen, he had become obsessed with growing a pair of wings after discovering Fang’s blog and hasn’t been seen since.

  Or he is this guy who lives in this place and writes stuff he hopes you read.

  Meet Brad and Kyle in

  http://www.harmonyinkpress.com

  Lords of Arcadia Book One by JOHN GOODE

  http://www.harmonyinkpress.com

  Lords of Arcadia Book Two by JOHN GOODE

  http://www.harmonyinkpress.com

  Also available from HARMONY INK PRESS

  http://www.harmonyinkpress.com

  www.harmonyinkpress.com